CHANGING YOUR HABITS

By Lawrence Wilson, MD

© April 2012, The Center For Development

Excellent habits make for health, wealth and happiness.  Destructive and lazy habits inevitably lead to illness, poverty and despair.  Learning how to change your habits is an art all its own.
A habit is defined as any behavior that becomes routine, mechanical or comfortable.  Habits range from brushing your teeth to getting drunk every day.  A controversial statement is that all habits are addictions to some degree.   The definition of an addiction is similar to a habit.  It is any behavior that has become mechanical and unconscious, so that you are not fully aware of it. However, addictions, by definition, tend to weaken the body, whereas habits may be helpful or harmful for one’s health and well-being.

RULES FOR KICKING BAD HABITS

A first step to changing habits is to realize that all behavior is partly unconscious and mechanical.   We are creatures of habit.  This is why behavior and thought patterns are not easy to change.  The unconscious component can be very deep and very old.
Understanding this helps you not to expect too much, too fast when attempting to change habits.  It is a formidable task or there would be no need for most counseling centers, recovery programs, hypnotherapists and psychiatric medications.  However, habits can change, as evidenced by thousands of people who quite smoking and drinking, quit eating junk food, improve their relationships, and more. So here are the rules:

RULE #1. DO NOT RATIONALIZE, DEFEND, JUSTIFY OR EXCUSE YOUR BAD HABITS - NO MATTER WHAT

This one hurts a lot! However, if you want to change a habit, you must not excuse the bad behavior or tendency. Unfortunately, this is what many people do. The mind is very capable of twisting things to make them more acceptable. It does this in dozens of ways that can all sound very sound and logical. Sometimes one’s excuses are amazing to hear.

Excuses and justifications are really hidden agendas that people have, that often explain their bad habits. For instance, if you defend your alcohol-drinking or sugar-eating behavior, your hidden agenda is usually that you are addicted, but don’t want to admit it. So people excuse or justify the behavior rather than expose the real truth or agenda.

Here are just a few examples of the way you may minimize, excuse, defend, justify or even encourage or allow yourself your bad habits. Note if you have ever used these excuses, as they will defeat you:

“We all are going to die anyway, why not enjoy (bad habit)”.

“It’s not that bad”.

“Other people do it, so why should I worry about it.”

“I have many good habits, so a few bad ones are okay.”

“Well, it is just the way it is”, or “It’s who I am, so leave me alone”.

“I know very successful people with the same habit, so it must not be bad”.

“I don’t really want this habit, but since I have it, I won’t worry about it as it bothers me to think about it too much”.

“It really isn’t that bad if I control it a little”.

“Thinking about my habit makes me depressed, so I’d rather leave it alone”.

“If I change, I might lose my friends, or my husband or wife, or my children”.

“Quitting is scary, and I have a pretty good life right now.”

Here are excuses people make to their friends and family:

“Everyone has some bad habits. These are just mine, so what is the problem”.

“Don’t bother me. You are not perfect, either. Who are you to tell me what to do or not to do”.

“You are just jealous”.

“You just don’t understand me very well, or you don’t care about me”.

“You obviously don’t appreciate me very much”.

“Why should I change, when you have not changed ___________ .”

“Why not bother someone else for a change.”

AND MANY OTHERS

RULE #2. PUT OUT AND EXPRESS AND SAY TO THE UNIVERSE OR TO GOD THAT YOU ARE DONE WITH THIS HABIT AND WANT THIS HABIT TO GO AWAY.

This is very important, because it addresses another aspect of bad habits. That is, usually a part of you does not want to let go of the habit, or it would have occurred already. In other words, one must be thoroughly and ruthlessly honest and ask for what one really wants.

This is a big subject, but basically people say they want to quit smoking or stop lying or exaggerating, but they really like their habit and don’t think it is so bad. In other words, it is a tub of war inside the person.

By forcing yourself to clearly state and restate many times that you want to get rid of the habit, it can help you to be more honest in the way you think about it and talk about it to yourself and to others.

RULE #3. MAKE UP REASONS TO CHANGE THE HABIT, IF YOU MUST

This sounds artificial and corny, but it can work well in some cases. If you must, decide that you will change your habit for the sake of your children, or for your husband or wife, or to be a better parent or worker, perhaps.

You might reason that you will change because God wants you to, or because otherwise you are a hypocrite. Perhaps decide to change because it will make you a better person, or more disciplined. It is fine to justify and rationalize changing the habit. It is just not good to justify or rationalize holding on to the bad habit. This is an important concept, in fact.

RULE #4. ASK FOR GUIDANCE AND HELP OVER AND OVER AGAIN EACH DAY.

The bible states “Ask and you shall receive”, and “Knock and the door shall be opened”. Asking for help from divine sources, and everyone else, actually works. Many people forget to ask or pray for help often – every day, in fact. Begin you day by saying, “Please, God, help me change this habit”, for example. You can ask the angels, the masters, Jesus, or whomever you believe can help. I would ask all of them, even if you don’t like Jesus and you don’t believe in angels or God. It does not matter. If this is the case, you could ask your high self, your real self, or Source for help. The important thing is to ask, over and over again.

This puts you in a very wonderful space in which you are open to receiving guidance, which may come in unusual ways. You might meet someone who assists you, or watch a TV program or movie that is helpful. A relationship might change that helps, or some other unusual events may occur that is helpful. This is how the universe works, when you begin to ask for help on a daily basis. This is why saying prayers before bed, and again in the morning, are wonderful if you want to change any habit at all. Just remind God or whomever you wish that you are trying to change this habit, and not to forget to help you.

RULE #5. FOLLOW A NUTRITIONAL BALANCING PROGRAM THE WAY WE SET THEM UP.

This is very powerful. It works in many ways, including:

Improving your clarity of mind

Strengthening your will

Clearing traumas that block your mental and emotional well-being and sanity.

Reducing stress on the body and mind

Nourishing you so that the mind works right

Reducing neuroses or mental fixations that keep you trapped.

The cells will begin to send you happy messages, that help you not to need coffee, sugar, alcohol, anger and other less desirable behaviors and thought patterns in order to feel good about yourself.

Exposing the truth of all things by correcting certain biochemical patterns that decrease awareness.

Increasing your self-esteem by restoring your body and mind to their optimal functioning. Then you don’t need your bad habits to compensate for feelings of inferiority in some way.

Others.

RULE #6. DO THE ROY MASTERS MENTAL EXERCISE EACH AND EVERY DAY WITHOUT FAIL

This is excellent for changing habits and kicking bad habits. Mr Masters states that bad habits will drop you if you do the exercise. In my experience, he is right. You don’t have to like Mr. Masters, but just do the exercise, which he does not take credit for anyway.

It seems to help by calming the mind, helping you to see your hidden thoughts and emotions and agendas, helping you to step back and just witness your mind and emotions without needing to defend, justify, explain or react to your thoughts or feelings. It also helps one to be grounded and centered. It can also help bring a new energy into your body and mind that is sometimes called etheric energy, or God energy, or vital energy. This new energy is much healthier.

It also helps your mind and soul have more control over the body. Moving energy downward forcefully, which is my modification of the exercise, moves mental energy into the body. Most people, unfortunately, move energy upward causing bodily sensations like hunger, thirst, cravings, sexual drive, a need to run away, etc. to influence the mind. This is always harmful.

The exercise also gently and slowly teaches mental focus and concentration. Some people simply cannot change their habits because they are easily distracted or cannot focus on what they want. As a result, they often appear and feel stupid and their memory and thinking are clouded. This goes away when one can focus the mind like a laser beam and keep it focused for hours, rather than minutes or even just seconds.

In this way, the exercise tends to mature a person mentally and emotionally, and this helps a lot when one wants to change any habit or behavior or thinking pattern.

RULE #7. SUBSTITUTE BETTER BEHAVIORS OR HABITS RATHER THAN JUST DENY ONESELF THE BAD

When changing habits, denial of the old ways does not work well for most people.  Instead, substitute better foods for worse ones, healthier activities for less healthful  ones, saner friends for less healthy ones.  However, you often have to make room for the new by giving up the old.  It takes a smidgeon of willingness.

This concept of substituting is thus a very important one. It can help distract you from your old ways, fill your time wisely, set up new support systems.

RULE #8. SLOW YOUR THOUGHTS AND PERHAPS YOUR ENTIRE LIFE SO YOU CAN MORE EASILY OBSERVE YOUR ATTITUDES, EMOTIONS AND BEHAVIOR (fasting)

Slowing down is a wonderful step toward changing habits. This helps unconscious thinking and behaving to become more conscious. An easy way is to rest and sleep more. A more profound and the most ancient method is to set aside some time each day for meditation or contemplation, or at least a short, slow, quiet period of alone time, or maybe a slow walk every day. All such methods will tend to reduce all habits and help you think through the way you are living, so you can see how habits connect to each other clearly and change them.

You will eventually come to see that cynicism, negativity, and all bad habits, whether they be smoking, drinking, staying up late and others are choices.  You can choose again.  Forgiveness joy are just as easy if you allow them in and practice them.
The Roy Masters meditation exercise, for example, is highly recommended to help you slow down your thinking process so you can make changes easily. Often when you do this your bad habits will drop you. This occurs because you will realize they make no sense at all, so you just automatically stop them. It can be that easy, although at times changing deeply help attitudes or behaviors can be more difficult to alter.

When you slow down and relax or meditate, you may not like what you see, but there is value in just seeing.  This is the first step to changing one’s habits and attitudes.  Allow yourself to question all your beliefs, especially beliefs in victimhood, fear and injustice.  Most spiritual traditions teach that the world is good and the universe is friendly.  This is stated in the first book of the bible.   Allow yourself to be guided by truth as it is revealed to you.  It is there if you slow down and rest enough to let it in to your life.

RULE #9. UPGRADE YOUR LIFE

People often talk of upgrading their computer or their house.  Changing habits is about upgrading the quality of your life.  This includes the company you keep, the food you eat, the books and magazines you read and the places you go.  In particular, it includes the thoughts you entertain.  This is your mental diet.  Many people engage in 'stinking thinking'.  They are negative, cynical, depressed, angry, or guilty about something or other.

YOUR SOCIAL DIET

RULE #10. Let go of those who do not help you stay on your chosen path.  A friend is one who holds the space of truth and reminds you when you are off track.  Be very clear about this. Those who encourage or support you in bad habits or attitudes are not your friends, no matter how ‘friendly’ they seem to be. They are enablers, often with their own hidden agendas.  

RULE #11. FOCUS ON YOURSELF IN A HEALTHY WAY

Changing  habits requires a focus on yourself.  It is not a morbid preoccupation with the self, although it may look that way to others.  It is about loving the self enough to observe, taking the time to experiment, letting go of what does not work, and having the courage to make new choices.  It is all about you, not about others.  Stop blaming anyone, in the present or in the past, for your unhealthy habits, as this just slows or may stop your ability to change.  
Changing habits requires a focus on the present and letting go of the past.  Choices your parents or teachers made may not work for you.  Change requires letting go of people, places, activities and things that "once meant something".  Sentimental and nostalgic attachments that are now meaningless just hold you back.  Throw out items that remind you of a dead past and let go of romantic notions of the past.  It was a stage in your growth and carries little other significance.
Also stay out of the future most of the time. While some planning is necessary for all of us, in particular financial planning in our society, the future may or may not happen the way you think.  Be careful about listening to psychics and particularly prophets of doom.  The world is fine and getting better all the time.  What matters is whether you are getting better.  It's too easy to blame the world for your habits.
The best preparation for the future is to live every moment well.  Take one day at a time.  If you goof up, let it go and start over tomarrow.  Everyone has those days. Fortunately, the days always end and a new one begins.
Whatever you commit yourself to, you can achieve, provided it is a spiritual goal.  This is an ironclad rule.  Intent is everything.  By keeping your intent pure and not giving up, you will eventually develop yourself and succeed, at least to a degree.  This holds true in every area of life.    If you do not achieve something, it just means you changed your mind at some point and stopped being committed to a particular outcome.

RULE #12. HAVE A SYSTEMS APPROACH

Habits do not exist in isolation.  They are tied in with one's body chemistry, structure, energetic patterns, social circle and personality structure.  A systems approach targets all these aspects to uproot behaviors, thinking or feeling patterns that often have tentacles radiating in all directions.  
For example, to change your eating habits, just learning about nutrition or shopping at a health store may not be enough.  Letting go of emotional traumas may be very important.  Balancing energy meridians may be another.  Letting go of your 'junk food friends' can be a key. Structural therapies such as chiropractic or Rolfing can help. Insisting on the cooperation of your family may also be essential.  The interactions between these aspects are subtle.  A blockage in a seemingly unrelated area can hold you back.  
To give up a late-night television habit, you may need to adjust your diet to reduce stimulants, change thinking patterns so you stop believing that sleep is a waste of time, or drop your friends who insist on discussing who appeared on the late, late show.  Many things can feed a simple habit.  The more aspects of your life you address and heal, the easier it will be to change any habit.

RULE #13. LEARN ABOUT HONESTY AND AUTHENTICITY

Many people seem unable to change their habits.  In reality, they do not want to change.  They lie about their intentions to others, but mainly they lie to themselves. They enjoy the addictive high they get from sugar, alcohol or compulsive exercise, and they have no intent to change.  They learned to lie about it long ago.  Breaking the habit of lying is often the first step in changing habits.  
Dishonesty is rampant in society.  Schools even teach it to children these days under the guise of political correctness and sensitivity training.  Did you know that all the textbook manufacturers have a sensitivity panel that censors all textbooks for "offensive" language and ideas?  They distort the truth if it is unpleasant or might offend some group.
Any time truth takes a back seat, habits will be hard to change.  Look at any dishonesty squarely in the face and let it go.

DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES

All excuses for not changing behavior may make you feel better, but they all hold you back.  Excuses are attempts to defend something for which there is no legitimate defense.  To change any habit, give up your excuses.  Just give them up.  Stop using them and of course stop trying to come up with new ones.  If you feel mentally weak or easily tempted, admit it.  There is something refreshing about stating the truth.       

RULE #14. WATCH OUT FOR HOPELESSNESS

Deep down, many people do not believe they can change.  They believe they are hopeless, dammed and condemned to suffer.  This is a lie.  However, it makes a convenient excuse for any destructive behavior.  After all, why not have some temporary pleasure from junk food, alcohol, destructive sex or something else if real healing is impossible.
Disbelief in change is the idea that you are a victim of your habit or behavior.  It is a lie heavily promoted by the media and some political leaders, as it weakens people and increases the power of the government authorities or others.

To change habits, give up victimhood and question the false idea that you cannot change.

RULE #15. GET PLENTY OF REST AND SLEEP

Plenty of rest and sleep are vital for habit change of any kind.  Some attempt to change their habits by distracting themselves with lots of activities.  Although focusing on better things is great, it can backfire if it means ignoring the body's needs for sleep and rest.  Tiredness leads to apathy, depression and despair.  Fatigue is the main cause of depression today.  Stimulants of all kinds become all the more attractive when you are tired and depressed.

RULE #16. LEARN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DISCIPLINE VERSUS HABIT

Changing habits requires discipline.  Disciplines may look like habits, but with a difference.  While habits are mainly unconscious, discipline is more conscious. Discipline is not about forcing anything.  The root of the word discipline is 'disciple'.  It means following your spiritual path.

Learning how to self-discipline or discipline the self is a wonderful skill. It means being very gentle and compassionate with yourself, yet quite firm with yourself as well. It means knowing when it is time to quit trying so hard and just relax and do better the next day, for example. At other times, it means pushing yourself a little harder to make sure you do your best.

RULE # 17. IMPROVE POOR HEALTH

Underneath many bad habits is a horrible state of health.  Most people are ill today, contrary to what doctors may tell you.  Most doctors are very sick themselves.  It won't show up on standard blood tests because they are the wrong tests.  Hair mineral analyses tell a different story.
People in great health have no need or attraction to stimulants of any kind.  Their cells literally send out messages of happiness and joy.  The cells of most people, however, send constant messages of fatigue, gloom and despair.  They are malnourished and often are drowning in toxic chemicals.  Sorry if it seems graphic, but mineral testing confirms it on a daily basis.  Many habits are the result of poor health, often from the time of birth.  If you want to change your habits, work on your health. The two go together well.

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