HOW TO MATURE AND GROW UP FASTER

by Lawrence Wilson, MD

Maturing is not an easy process for human beings. It never has been easy, and yet it is necessary in all cases. Here are some notes about the process that I have discovered working with many clients:

1. Self-love. This is absolutely required. You must value yourself. This usually just takes some time to realize that you are not worse or more inadequate than others. There are others who are smarter, more beautiful, more talented, etc. However, many others are much stupider, much more ugly inside or out, and so on. You must come to accept yourself as you are to mature.

You must also stop trashing yourself. This means eat the best food possible, sleep enough, dress decently, keep wholesome company, speak, think and act with dignity and courage, and be all you can be. All of this is part of self-love, an essential ingredient for maturity.

2. You must learn to be tough with yourself. You must not waiver in your desire to mature, and you must realize there is a part of all of us that does not want us to mature and succeed and grow up. That part will oppose you at every turn. It makes you doubt yourself, hate yourself, and even loathe yourself. You must get tough with it, and fight it and defeat it.

It is like the story of the dragon that was supposed to protect the maiden in the castle, but the dragon gets out of control and also stops the knight in shining armor. The knight or the maiden must slay the dragon in order to move out of the castle and move on in her life.

It is the dragon of doubt, fear, confusion, depression, and death. This is the dragon we all have and maturing has to do with becoming “tough as nails” with it, letting it know its days are numbered, it is time to go, I don’t need you any more and get out of my life, stop wrecking, which is what it does, and it is time to die.

3. Look for truth and side with it. You must take sides on issues and decide what you believe in, and why. You can change your mind, but maturing has to do with finding truth, as you see it, and living your truth. This is a must. Anything that helps you do this is good – reading, listening to lectures, visiting spiritual places or others, etc.

4. Side with the mature side of yourself. Realize that everyone, including yourself, has a childish, immature aspect and a more mature aspect. You must take sides and favor and go with the more mature adult side of yourself, and stop whining, complaining, moaning, indulging and feeling sorry for yourself – which is siding with a more childish side. You must “be a man” or “a real woman”, in other words, and “face the music”, rather than run away, play dead, or hide.

5. Learn to be clever to outsmart the lower self. This means to realize that your opponent inside of you, the immature you, is clever and you must outsmart it at every turn so that it does not gain the upper hand. This is not about cleverness with others, although it may involve others who seek to bring you down to their immature level in relationships, business, cheating in school, or anything else. You must see that clever means smart and savvy with yourself, and out of this you will become more “street smart” with others, as well. This is an important aspect of becoming mature.

6. Take control inwardly, rather than allow others to control you, even if you are in prison. Maturing has something to do with taking inward control of your life. It has to do with making sure the soul rules the body, for example, and not the other way around. It has to do with making sure the spirit rules the soul, and not the other way around.

Immature people are backwards in this respect, and are never inwardly in control, even if they have millions of dollars and a beautiful house and a beautiful family. It is about taking internal control of your emotions, feelings, thoughts and actions.

7. Be of service. True maturity is to be of service. This will seem controversial, but I maintain it is true. Really mature people know that life is about service, and little else. They give up the childish wants, needs, preferences, aversions and so on and just move ahead in service. These are the people we associate maturity with. They weather the storms, handle all situations with grace and as much ease and equanimity as possible, and manage to smile through it all. This is all part of being of service, a large topic dealt with in the article entitled Service Basics.

8. Maturity requires a belief in a higher power, also called God, and that this creative force or Creator is loving, not harsh and arbitrary. This will also sound strange to some people. What I mean is that God must be seen as real and benign. These are the two essential qualities referred to here.

If you think there is no God and I can do whatever I please, you are not likely to mature. If you believe that life is just an accident, and there really are no rules, you are not likely to mature. After all, why mature when everything is just an arbitrary fact, with no truths and no beliefs that are worth standing up for, defending and living in your life. While this may seem strange to talk about, it is a very common attitude today on the part of those who are not religious, and are usually somewhat anti-religion. They live selfishly because they see nothing beyond themselves as physical bodies in a “rat race” or “dog-eat-dog world”.

However, it is not enough to believe in God, or in an order

of the universe greater than yourself. You must also see that force or being as benign. Many believe in God, Christ, Allah, etc., but they see their Creator as harsh, warlike, judgmental or even dark and hateful. This also mitigates against true maturity, which is a dedication to love and spreading your treasure or loving nature in the world. If you believe that God is not love, you are not likely to emulate that in your life. But if you can view your Creator or order of the universe as “friendly” to use the word Albert Einstein used about the universe, then you are likely to live this way, as well.

9. Look for the lessons in every situation, rather than focus on poor you. Mature people always look for the lessons and try to gain from every experience. Immature people tend to focus mainly on their own lack of comfort, anger, fear, rage, depression or other conditions. So to mature, always look for the lessons and perhaps why a situation has arisen, instead of focusing on your own needs, wants, aversions, or loves.

10. Read the bible to mature. While there are many books one can read to help one mature, one of the best is the Holy Bible, both the old and the new testaments. The reason is not because it is “the word of God”. I don’t know whether it is, since it was written by men and women. However, the stories and morals and lessons have to do with maturity in most cases, so it is a good learning tool. It is far better than going to the movies, watching most television, hanging out with friends, and even going to work every day.

11. Capitalism, in its best form, tends to help people mature. In contrast, socialism tends to make people angry and lazy by causing people to demand government “benefits” and take from the productive people to give to the unproductive ones.

12. Give up hopelessness and cynicism. This may sound odd, but many people, deep down, feel trapped, hopeless, and quite negative. This must go to mature. Nutritional factors can be at the root of hopelessness, but so can an immature attitude. After all, if there is no hope, why put the effort in to mature? This is sadly how a lot of people think.

13. Give up your anger and make a new choice. Anger always tends to derail the maturing process. It is somewhat the opposite of maturity. When a situation presents itself to you that is terribly upsetting, you basically choose either to become very angry, or to mature from it. Please think about this, and start letting go of anger. If you consciously decide you will not go to anger, no matter what, your only other choice, in some ways, is to mature.

These simple ideas have helped me mature, and I hope they do the same for you.

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