THE SEXUAL ORDER
by Dr. Lawrence Wilson
© August 2017, L. D. Wilson Consultants, Inc.
All information in this article is for educational purposes only. It is not for the diagnosis, treatment, prescription or cure of any disease or health condition.
What The Sexual Order Is Not
The Sexual Order Protects Women
Letting Men Lead Is Not The Same As Letting Them “Run Your Life”
Sexual Order In The Larger Society
What Occurs When It Is Not Followed
When The Order Should Be Reversed
The sexual order is an ancient concept that has nothing to do with intelligence. It has to do with the fact that women are more gullible than men, more fearful than men due mainly to physical weakness, and they are physically attractive which makes them targets.
All of this colors women’s thinking greatly. The idea of the sexual order is that although women may be as intelligent as their husbands or male partners, it is best that men should make the final decision in important matters that involve the two of them.
If a woman is not married or in a committed relationship, she is on her own. However, it is wise for a single woman to frequently ask the opinion of a male friend, father, brother or someone other man she trusts. Usually, she will make better decisions this way.
WHAT THE SEXUAL ORDER IS NOT ABOUT
The sexual order has nothing to do with anyone’s value or intrinsic worth in any way. This is a common misconception about it. Also, the sexual order is not about who is better, more important, more loving, or who comes first in the relationship. In fact, the one who leads in any relationship or position must serve the other and the whole.
This applies, by the way, to things like voting in elections. A couple should ideally vote together for the same candidates. When they do not, it is not helpful for the relationship.
If there is a disagreement, ladies, go with your man’s judgment, though it may not seem right to you. Men, as many know, tend to vote much more conservative and less liberal than women. This is good, we say. Candidates must mainly conserve what is good in society.
THE SEXUAL ORDER PROTECTS WOMEN
Far from harming women, the concept of the sexual order has to do with protecting women from harmful tendencies in their own thinking processes.
ABUSE OF THE SEXUAL ORDER CONCEPT
Problems with the sexual order include the following:
The woman’s feelings can be trampled. That is, the man can make her feel stupid or inferior as a person. He may believe that this is the reason he should make the final decisions for the family.
This is never acceptable. It is not the reason he makes the decisions. It is the factors above, which do not at all include intelligence or general superiority. He is the stupid one if he think he is superior or more intelligent than his wife.
The woman is left out of the decision-making process. This is also always unacceptable. In all situations, he must consult her before major decisions are made for a couple or for a family.
She can be pushed around or bossed around. This is also not the meaning of the sexual order, and is always unacceptable.
Some women choose to associate with immature or lower quality men. The idea of allowing a man to “run her life” and “control her” then sounds despicable, and intolerable. However, ladies, this is usually because you have chosen to pay attention to the immature, jerky men and not to the good ones out there who would only love you, not use you. They are often the more “nerdy”, less physically attractive ones, but a wise woman figures this out very quickly and stops looking at the body and starts paying attention to a man’s thoughts, feelings and behavior, not his looks, which can always be enhanced, if needed, with better clothing or better hygiene.
LETTING MEN LEAD IS NOT THE SAME AS LETTING THEM “RUN YOUR LIFE”
It is more about getting his input and allowing him to move you along in certain ways that may seem odd or harsh, at times, but are often helpful, if you examine them closely. This assumes, once again, that one is mated to a good man.
There is also nothing wrong with letting a good man control many aspects of your life, if doing so will move you along in your maturing process. Maturing women know this, as do maturing men. There is nothing wrong with following your pastor’s advice, for example, if it is wise. In the same way, there is nothing wrong with following the advice of a wise or maturing man in a man-woman relationship. Be very clear about this.
Too many psychics, psychologists and counselors mislead their clients by telling them they must always “be in charge” of their lives. This is simply wrong advice. Often the opposite is true. Letting others lead you is a wise move for most people, most of the time. It will keep you safer, cleaner in your thinking, and you will become mature much faster. To read more about becoming mature, read How To Mature Faster on this website.
THE SEXUAL ORDER IN THE LARGER SOCIETY
The sexual order concept also applies to larger societal decision-making that involves men and women. Those who make these decisions are presidents, legislators, and judges.
WHEN THE ORDER MAY BE REVERSED
In a few cases, if the man and woman agree, and only then, they can reverse the sexual order. A possible reason for doing this is if the man is very ill or very depressed and beaten up in some way, perhaps. In this case, the woman may take over his role to a degree. Even in these cases, however, it is usually best to maintain the sexual order as much as possible.