CHANGING YOUR HABITS

By Lawrence Wilson, MD

© Revised, June 2008, The Center For Development

Excellent habits make for health, wealth and happiness.  Destructive and lazy habits inevitably lead to illness, poverty and despair.  Learning how to change your habits is an art all its own.
A habit is defined as any behavior that becomes routine, mechanical or comfortable.  Habits range from brushing your teeth to getting drunk every day.  A controversial statement is that all habits are addictions to some degree.   The definition of an addiction is similar to a habit.  It is any behavior that has become mechanical and unconscious, so that you are not fully aware of it. However, addictions, by definition, tend to weaken the body, whereas habits may be helpful or harmful for one’s health and well-being.

CHANGING HABITS

The first step to changing habits is to realize that all behavior is partly unconscious and mechanical.   We are creatures of habit.  This is why behavior and thought patterns are not easy to change.  The unconscious component can be very deep and very old.
Understanding this helps you not to expect too much too fast when attempting to change habits.  It is a formidable task or there would be no need for most counseling centers, recovery programs, hypnotherapists and psychiatric medications.  However, habits can change, as evidenced by thousands of people who quite smoking and drinking, quit eating junk food, improve their relationships and much more.

RULE #1, SUBSTITUTE RATHER THAN JUST DENY ONESELF

When changing habits, denial does not work well for most people.  Instead, substitute better foods for worse ones, healthier activities for less healthful  ones, saner friends for less healthy ones.  However, you often have to make room for the new by giving up the old.  It takes a smidgeon of willingness.

RULE #2, SLOW YOUR THOUGHTS AND PERHAPS YOUR ENTIRE LIFE SO YOU CAN MORE EASILY OBSERVE YOUR ATTITUDES, EMOTIONS AND BEHAVIOR

Slowing down is a wonderful step toward changing habits. This helps unconscious thinking and behaving to become more conscious. An easy way is to rest and sleep more. A more profound and the most ancient method is to set aside some time each day for meditation or contemplation, or at least a short, slow, quiet period of alone time, or maybe a slow walk every day. All such methods will tend to reduce all habits and help you think through the way you are living, so you can see how habits connect to each other clearly and change them.

You will eventually come to see that cynicism, negativity, and all bad habits, whether they be smoking, drinking, staying up late and others are choices.  You can choose again.  Forgiveness joy are just as easy if you allow them in and practice them.
The Roy Masters meditation exercise, for example, is highly recommended to help you slow down your thinking process so you can make changes easily. Often when you do this your bad habits will drop you. This occurs because you will realize they make no sense at all, so you just automatically stop them. It can be that easy, although at times changing deeply help attitudes or behaviors can be more difficult to alter.

When you slow down and relax or meditate, you may not like what you see, but there is value in just seeing.  This is the first step to changing one’s habits and attitudes.  Allow yourself to question all your beliefs, especially beliefs in victimhood, fear and injustice.  Most spiritual traditions teach that the world is good and the universe is friendly.  This is stated in the first book of the bible.   Allow yourself to be guided by truth as it is revealed to you.  It is there if you slow down and rest enough to let it in to your life.

UPGRADE YOUR LIFE

People often talk of upgrading their computer or their house.  Changing habits is about upgrading the quality of your life.  This includes the company you keep, the food you eat, the books and magazines you read and the places you go.  In particular, it includes the thoughts you entertain.  This is your mental diet.  Many people engage in 'stinking thinking'.  They are negative, cynical, depressed, angry, or guilty about something or other.

YOUR SOCIAL DIET

Let go of those who do not help you stay on your chosen path.  A friend is one who holds the space of truth and reminds you when you are off track.  Be very clear about this. Those who encourage or support you in bad habits or attitudes are not your friends, no matter how ‘friendly’ they seem to be. They are enablers, often with their own hidden agendas.  

FOCUS ON YOURSELF IN A HEALTHY WAY

Changing  habits requires a focus on yourself.  It is not a morbid preoccupation with the self, although it may look that way to others.  It is about loving the self enough to observe, taking the time to experiment, letting go of what does not work, and having the courage to make new choices.  It is all about you, not about others.  Stop blaming anyone, in the present or in the past, for your unhealthy habits, as this just slows or may stop your ability to change.  
Changing habits requires a focus on the present and letting go of the past.  Choices your parents or teachers made may not work for you.  Change requires letting go of people, places, activities and things that "once meant something".  Sentimental and nostalgic attachments that are now meaningless just hold you back.  Throw out items that remind you of a dead past and let go of romantic notions of the past.  It was a stage in your growth and carries little other significance.
Also stay out of the future most of the time. While some planning is necessary for all of us, in particular financial planning in our society, the future may or may not happen the way you think.  Be careful about listening to psychics and particularly prophets of doom.  The world is fine and getting better all the time.  What matters is whether you are getting better.  It's too easy to blame the world for your habits.
The best preparation for the future is to live every moment well.  Take one day at a time.  If you goof up, let it go and start over tomarrow.  Everyone has those days. Fortunately, the days always end and a new one begins.
Whatever you commit yourself to, you can achieve, provided it is a spiritual goal.  This is an ironclad rule.  Intent is everything.  By keeping your intent pure and not giving up, you will eventually develop yourself and succeed, at least to a degree.  This holds true in every area of life.    If you do not achieve something, it just means you changed your mind at some point and stopped being committed to a particular outcome.

A SYSTEMS APPROACH

Habits do not exist in isolation.  They are tied in with one's body chemistry, structure, energetic patterns, social circle and personality structure.  A systems approach targets all these aspects to uproot structures that often have tentacles radiating in all directions.  
For example, to change your eating habits, just learning about nutrition or shopping at a health store may not be enough.  Letting go of emotional traumas may be very important.  Balancing energy meridians may be another.  Letting go of your 'junk food friends' can be a key. Structural therapies such as chiropractic or Rolfing can help. Insisting on the cooperation of your family may also be essential.  The interactions between these aspects are subtle.  A blockage in a seemingly unrelated area can hold you back.  
To give up a late-night television habit, you may need to adjust your diet to reduce stimulants, change thinking patterns so you stop believing that sleep is a waste of time, or drop your friends who insist on discussing who appeared on the late, late show.  Many things can feed a simple habit.  The more aspects of your life you address and heal, the easier it will be to change any habit.

HONESTY

Many people seem unable to change their habits.  In reality, they do not want to change.  They lie about their intentions to others, but mainly they lie to themselves. They enjoy the addictive high they get from sugar, alcohol or compulsive exercise, and they have no intent to change.  They learned to lie about it long ago.  Breaking the habit of lying is often the first step in changing habits.  
Dishonesty is rampant in society.  Schools even teach it to children these days under the guise of political correctness and sensitivity training.  Did you know that all the textbook manufacturers have a sensitivity panel that censors all textbooks for "offensive" language and ideas?  They distort the truth if it is unpleasant or might offend some group.
Any time truth takes a back seat, habits will be hard to change.  Look at any dishonesty squarely in the face and let it go.

DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES

All excuses for not changing behavior may make you feel better, but they all hold you back.  Excuses are attempts to defend something for which there is no legitimate defense.  To change any habit, give up your excuses.  Just give them up.  Stop using them and of course stop trying to come up with new ones.  If you feel mentally weak or easily tempted, admit it.  There is something refreshing about stating the truth.       

DISBELIEF

Deep down, many people do not believe they can change.  They believe they are hopeless, dammed and condemned to suffer.  This is a lie.  However, it makes a convenient excuse for any destructive behavior.  After all, why not have some temporary pleasure from junk food, alcohol, destructive sex or something else if real healing is impossible.
Disbelief in change is the idea that you are a victim of your habit or behavior.  It is a lie heavily promoted by the media and some political leaders, as it weakens people and increases the power of the government authorities or others.

To change habits, give up victimhood and question the false idea that you cannot change.

REST AND SLEEP

Plenty of rest and sleep are vital for habit change of any kind.  Some attempt to change their habits by distracting themselves with lots of activities.  Although focusing on better things is great, it can backfire if it means ignoring the body's needs for sleep and rest.  Tiredness leads to apathy, depression and despair.  Fatigue is the main cause of depression today.  Stimulants of all kinds become all the more attractive when you are tired and depressed.

DISCIPLINE VERSUS HABIT

Changing habits requires discipline.  Disciplines may look like habits, but with a difference.  While habits are mainly unconscious, discipline is more conscious. Discipline is not about forcing anything.  The root of the word discipline is 'disciple'.  It means following your spiritual path.

Learning how to self-discipline or discipline the self is a wonderful skill. It means being very gentle and compassionate with yourself, yet quite firm with yourself as well. It means knowing when it is time to quit trying so hard and just relax and do better the next day, for example. At other times, it means pushing yourself a little harder to make sure you do your best.

POOR HEALTH

Underneath many bad habits is a horrible state of health.  Most people are ill today, contrary to what doctors may tell you.  Most doctors are very sick themselves.  It won't show up on standard blood tests because they are the wrong tests.  Hair mineral analyses tell a different story.
People in great health have no need or attraction to stimulants of any kind.  Their cells literally send out messages of happiness and joy.  The cells of most people, however, send constant messages of fatigue, gloom and despair.  They are malnourished and often are drowning in toxic chemicals.  Sorry if it seems graphic, but mineral testing confirms it on a daily basis.  Many habits are the result of poor health, often from the time of birth.  If you want to change your habits, work on your health. The two go together well.

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