HOW TO MATURE AND GROW UP FASTER
by Dr. Lawrence Wilson
© December 2020, LD Wilson Consultants, Inc.
All information in this article is for educational purposes only. It is not for the diagnosis, treatment, prescription or cure of any disease or health condition.
DEFINITION OF MATURING
Maturing means completing or becoming an adult. The process actually goes on forever and includes at least the following aspects:
- Compassion and love for all
- Learning and practicing basic rules such as the Ten Commandments of Moses, the Golden Rule and the two rules given by Jesus.
- Greater self-awareness
- Communication skill
- Safety consciousness
- Working efficiently
- Learning skills
- Garnering and using resources wisely
- Becoming a good steward of the earth
- Avoiding wasting things
- Pursuing truth
- Developing oneself
- Letting go of prejudices, hatred and bigotry
- Keeping all the above in balance
- Fighting off the great ‘maturity trap’ of arrogance
Some of these aspects are discussed in more detail below.
STAGES OF MATURING
Physical maturing occurs around the age of 13-14 and means the physical body takes on the appearance of an adult. Other words that describe parts of it are puberty and the menarche in girls (the beginning of menstruation). It occurs roughly after two cycles of seven years.
Emotional maturing takes place around age 30 or later in most people. It means one learns to control the emotions and to keep the emotions healthy and positive. It also requires that one accept full responsibility for one’s thoughts, words and actions. It usually does not occur until one has lived through four cycles of seven years each.
Mental maturing can occur as early as age 30 or earlier, but often does not occur or occurs only later in life, after age 50 to 60. It usually requires living through six or more seven-year cycles.
Spiritual maturing can occur at an early age in rare cases. However, it usually requires at least seven seven-year cycles to reach, to any degree.
It includes the four aspects of the Love Tetra. These are:
a) Learning to love God
b) Learning to love others properly, which is to love all people equally and deeply.
c) Learning self-discipline
d) Learning wisdom and knowledge. In one sense, spiritual maturity is the same as wisdom. It means that one understands life deeply and lives wisely.
TYPES OF PEOPLE BASED UPON THEIR MATURITY LEVEL
It can be helpful to know qualities associated with mature and immature people. The qualities below are arranged from the most mature to the least mature:
High Integrity. This is the most mature level of functioning. Integrity means that every aspect of one’s life is coordinated and expresses maturity. Few people are in this category.
Unhappy. These people are fairly mature but may grumble about the unfairness of life or other problems. Many good people fall into this category.
Sensual. This is a decent level of maturity. However, the person has some bad habits such as smoking, drinking alcohol, using drugs, or is sexually loose.
Mild vampire. Vampires tends to steal some energy from others. When mild, this trait is not too bad. Some parents, teachers and others have this trait.
Sexy. This is a somewhat lower level of maturity characterized by sexy dress, sexy speech or sexy behavior. Often the person does not realize that this way of living is harmful for oneself and for all those around oneself.
Money-oriented. This is a lower level of maturity in which money is too important for a person. The person will cheat and steal when he or she can do so. As a result, the person cannot be trusted.
All lies. This is a still lower level of maturity in which a person lies easily about anything they wish. Once again, this person cannot be trusted with any important task.
Serious vampires. This is a predator level in which a person cheats and steals from others with impunity. Many politicians are at this level. They steal money and more from the taxpayers to enrich themselves.
Criminals. This is the lowest level of maturity. These individuals are pure predators. They have no regard for the rights of others or for the laws of society.
THE MATURING “CRISES”
Human beings go through several special well-known times that are sometimes called crises. We mention them here because they are related to the subject of maturing and maturity.
During these times, one’s flaws and problems are brought up in ways that are designed to help one move to the next level of maturity. The two most common ones are called the return and the mid-life crisis. There are also more of them if one lives long enough. Here is more about the first two.
The return. This occurs after four seven-year cycles of life, or at age 27 to 28. It usually lasts at least two years and often a little longer. It is designed to push a person forward in their emotional maturing, in particular. For more details, read The Return.
The mid-life crisis. This occurs after six seven-year cycles of life, or at age 41 or 42, and it lasts for at least two and often up to six years. It is designed to help a person learn mental maturity.
If one is already mature, then these periods of time are usually calm and not too eventful. If, however, one needs to mature more, then often these are turbulent times of life. Possible events may include:
- One may become physically or mentally ill
- Relationships may begin or end or change
- Financial changes may occur
- One may move one’s home, either by choice or one may be forced to move
- Family and friends may change, such as a family member dying.
- Other, such as job or career changes
However, the goal of these times is always to help one mature.
II. HOW TO MATURE FASTER
Maturing is not an easy process for human beings. It has never been easy, and yet it is necessary for everyone. Here are some notes about the process, beginning with principles:
Balance. Maturity has a number of aspects. There needs to be a balance about these. For example, some people are quite mature in some ways such as cleanliness, safety or caring about others. However, they are quite immature in other areas.
We all are born with flaws. Everyone begins life with certain character flaws or immaturity. This is very important to understand well. No one is born perfect.
Everyone gets better or worse during life. One’s character or maturity level may get better or worse during your lifetime depending upon your upbringing, your home environment, your thoughts and activities, the books you read, the friends you have, and the school you go to. In addition, all of your experiences, including traumas, illnesses, work experiences, relationships and more can influence how fast you mature, and whether you mature at all or not.
Life can cause maturity to occur rapidly or slowly. Developing character slowly is not as good, because there is much to do and learn. Therefore, it is wise to look for methods that are not too harsh, yet will develop your character or help you mature as fast as possible.
Mineral compounds within the brain can cause character flaws, while other chemical substances can promote or assist maturity or character development. We have learned this by working with the development program for 40 years.
The development program powerfully promotes maturity, although this is not the original reason most people embark upon it. Many clients report that they are more loving, better parents, better spouses, nicer people, more aware of themselves, and so on after a few years of following the development program faithfully.
Based on the principles above, here are some basic suggestions to mature faster and develop a wonderful character.
SUGGESTIONS FOR FASTER MATURING
1. Self-love. This is absolutely required. You must value yourself highly. It usually takes several seven-year cycles for many people to realize that they are not worse or more inadequate than others. You must come to accept yourself just as you are to mature.
You must also stop trashing yourself. This means eat the best food possible, sleep enough, dress decently, keep wholesome company, speak, think and act with dignity and courage, and be all you can be. All of this is part of self-love, an essential ingredient for maturity.
2. Be tough with yourself, and very committed. You must stay on your path. You must not waiver in your desire to mature, and you must realize there is a part of all of us that does not want to mature and succeed. That part will oppose you at every turn. It makes you doubt yourself, hate yourself, and even loathe yourself. You must get tough with it, fight it and defeat it!
It is like the story of King Arthur and the Knights Of The Round Table. There was a dragon that was supposed to protect the damsel in the castle, but the dragon gets “too protective”, out of control and also stops the knight in shining armor from meeting and marrying and rescuing the damsel. The knight in shining armor and the damsel must slay the dragon so they can both move on in their lives together.
It is the dragon of doubt, fear, confusion, depression, and death. This is the dragon we all have. Maturing has to do with becoming “tough as nails” with it, letting it know its days are numbered, and that it is time for the dragon to retire and die. It may have been useful earlier in life and you can be grateful to the dragon for this, but its time is over.
The damsel must affirm that she or he does not need this type of “protection” any more, and that the dragon is now preventing maturity by blocking opportunities that present themselves at the castle of life.
3. Look for truth and side with it. You must take sides on issues and decide what you believe in, and why. You can change your mind, but maturing has to do with finding truth, as you see it, and living your truth. This is a must. Anything that helps you do this is good – reading, listening to lectures, talking with wise adults, and other things.
4. Side with the mature side of yourself. Realize that everyone, including yourself, has a childish, immature aspect and a more mature aspect. You must take sides and favor and go with the more mature adult side of yourself. Stop the childish whining, complaining, moaning, indulging and feeling sorry for yourself – which is siding with a more childish side. You must “be a real man” or “a real woman”, in other words, and “face the music”, rather than run away, play sick, play dead, play poor me, or hide.
5. Learn to be clever to outsmart the lower self. This means to realize that your opponent inside of you, the immature you, is clever and you must outsmart it at every turn so that it does not gain the upper hand. This is not about cleverness with others, although it may involve others who seek to bring you down to their immature level in relationships, business, cheating in school, or anything else.
The word clever as used here means smart and savvy with yourself. From this you will become more “street smart” with others, as well.
6. Take control inwardly, rather than allow others to control you, even if you are in prison. Maturing has something to do with taking inward control of your life. It has to do with making sure the soul and the enlightened brain rule the body, for example, and not the other way around. Immature people allow the body to rule the brain, in many cases. This is called anxiety and fear.
The pulling down exercise trains you to move energy from the brain to the body. Until you do this, subtle energy often moves upward from the body to the brain. This means your physical urges – hunger, lust, greed and more – control your thinking. This is incorrect and it makes you up-set, up-tight, mixed-up, messed-up, screwed-up, and often knocked-up.
Maturing also has to do with making sure the real self, higher self or God’s love in you rules supreme. This means you must be true to yourself, true to your word, no lying, no cheating, no corruption. Until you do this, you are not a mature person, no matter what your age or status in society.
Immature people are backwards in this respect, and are never inwardly in control, even if they have millions of dollars, beautiful houses, a beautiful family and lots of friends. It is about taking internal control of your emotions, feelings, thoughts and actions.
7. Be of service. True maturity is to be of service. Mature people know that life is about service, and little else. They give up the childish wants, needs, preferences, aversions and so on and just move ahead in service. These are the people we associate maturity with. They weather the storms, handle all situations with the most grace, ease and equanimity, and manage to smile through it all. This is all part of being of service, a large topic dealt with in the article entitled Service Basics.
8. Maturity requires a belief in a higher power, sometimes referred to as the Creator, God, the High Self or the Real Self. Also, this creative force or Creator is loving, not harsh and arbitrary. This means that the universal force of love and power that creates and rules this world must be seen as real and benign. These are the two essential qualities about it that are needed and that one must work on feeling and knowing.
If you think there is no God and that you can do whatever you please, you are not likely to mature. If you believe that life is just an accident, and there really are no rules, you are not likely to mature. After all, why mature when everything is just an arbitrary fact, with no truths and no beliefs that are worth standing up for, defending and living in your life.
These are a very common attitudes today in the Western world, though they may not be expressed exactly this way. Many people simply do not believe in anything except maybe their immediate wants, and feelings. Many with this belief live selfishly because they see nothing beyond themselves as physical bodies in a “rat race” or “dog-eat-dog world”.
The Benign Force. However, it is not enough to believe in God, or in an order of the universe greater than yourself. You must also see that force or being as benign. Many believe in God, Christ, Allah, etc., but they see their Creator as harsh, warlike, judgmental or even dark and hateful. This slows the maturing process, which is a dedication to love and to spreading your treasure or loving nature in the world.
If you believe that God is not loving, you are not likely to emulate that in your life. But if you can view your Creator or order of the universe as “friendly”, to use the word Albert Einstein used about the universe, then you are likely to live this way, as well.
9. Look for the lessons in every situation, rather than focus on poor you. Mature people always look for the lessons and try to gain from every experience. Immature people tend to focus mainly on their own lack of comfort, anger, fear, rage, depression or other conditions.
So to mature, always look for the lessons and perhaps why a situation has arisen, instead of focusing on your own needs, wants, aversions, or loves.
10. Read the Bible to mature. While there are many books one can read to help one mature, one of the best is the Holy Bible, both the Old and the New Testaments. The stories and morals and lessons have to do with maturity, in many cases, so it is a good learning tool. It is far better than watching most movies, watching most television, hanging out with friends, and even going to work every day.
11. Capitalism, not socialism, tends to help people mature. Capitalism, which means economic freedom, encourages people to act independently to build businesses and serve others. In contrast, socialism, which means government control over the economy, tends to make people angry and lazy by causing people to demand government “benefits” and to believe they should take or steal from the productive people and “give” to the unproductive ones.
12. Give up hopelessness and cynicism. Many people, deep down, feel trapped, hopeless, and quite negative. This tendency or attitude must go in order to really mature.
After all, if there is no hope, why put the effort in to mature? This is sadly how a lot of people think. Nutritional factors can be at the root of hopelessness, but so can a wrong attitude.
It does not matter what has transpired in your life, or how you were raised, or your present health, financial, social or other conditions. One must give up the judgment and temptation of hopelessness and cynicism. Just make up your mind that you will let them go, and keep up this intent. They are false ideas that just slow or stop maturing.
13. Give up your anger and make a new choice. Anger derails the maturing process. Anger is the opposite of maturity. When a situation presents itself to you that is terribly upsetting, you basically choose either to become very angry, or to mature from it.
Please think about this, and start letting go of anger. If you consciously decide you will not go to anger, no matter what, your only other choice, in some ways, is to mature.
Remember a principle, as well. Anger is just fear that one projects onto others. That is all that anger is. It is the adrenal reaction when one does not want to feel fear.
Remember another principle. There are only two basic emotions – Love and Fear. Either you are in love or you are in fear at all times. Love, by the way, has nothing to do with romance or sex. It is an attitude in which your aura expands and you share the beauty and wisdom that you are with the world. You can radiate it from your home, however. You don’t have to run around or be with others.
If you are not happy, look closely. Ask yourself many times: “At this moment, am I in Love or am I in Fear?” If you are in fear, then say “I can choose again” and make a new choice. Do this over and over and you will begin to change your thinking.
14. Do the pulling down mental exercise. Do it faithfully for at least one hour every day or more. This exercise, as compared with most others, will 1) bring up your traumas for healing quickly in many cases, and 2) improve your self awareness quickly. Greater awareness, mirroring, reflecting and similar methods can be very helpful to speed up maturing. For details, read The Pulling Down Exercise.
15. Follow a development program in its entirety. This is very helpful for maturing. It helps the brain and body function much better and brings up conflicts and other issues that need to be cleared. People report they are more calm, more relaxed, easier to live with, more aware of themselves, kinder, gentler and so on as a result of following this program.
The program can get rid of traumas that are blocking maturity, and toxic metals that lend various negative aspects to any personality. A separate article discusses this, entitled Character Development And Development Programs.
16. Do not waste things. Immature people tend to waste money, energy, time, as well as physical objects such as gasoline, clothing, food, and more.
Maturing involves learning to never waste anything. There are reasons for this, such as that all goods required effort to make them and wasting them denies the value of the products. Also, there are many who are less fortunate and empathizing with them requires understanding that they can often use what you are ready to throw away, whether it is a pair of decent socks or shoes, or food, or money that you spend frivolously on ice cream or coffee, and more.
17. Think about safety in everything. This is an important part about maturity. It is tricky because it does not mean to lock yourself in your room or house and never go outside. It does not mean never speak up. It does not mean to just keep quiet and go along with whatever people want.
First of all, the above does not produce safety, although it may produce an illusion of safety. Safety is much more complex. It is about awareness and forethought. It is also about aligning yourself with the higher power and making sure your brain controls your body at all times.
At the present time (December 2020) governments around the world are using the excuse of keeping safe from the Chinese virus to deprive people of basic rights to work, to travel, to worship freely and to assemble. This is not safety! It is dictatorship.
III. MATURING AND THE 7 SYSTEM
Maturing can be understood better by considering it in terms of the 7 system. For each of the levels described below, to mature one needs to:
1) Exercise control over this aspect of life.
2) Avoid laziness at this level.
Together, these enable one to integrate and coordinate each level of living with the whole.
LEVEL 1. PHYSICAL MATURITY. This is the physical aspect of maturing. It includes taking good care of the body. This includes adopting a healthful diet, going to bed early and getting plenty of rest and sleep, and having a healthful lifestyle in terms of activities, sex, cleanliness and perhaps other areas of lifestyle.
LEVEL 2. EMOTIONAL MATURITY. Two aspects of this are:
a. Keeping the emotions positive and wholesome. This means limiting depression, fear, anger, grief, and other negative emotions and cultivating positive emotions such as joy, humor, and love.
b. Controlling the negative emotions that we all feel, at times. This means deciding you will not lash out at people, scream at people, or think vengeful thoughts about people, such as wishing they would die.
LEVEL 3. BASIC MENTAL AND EGO TRAITS. This also has at least two components:
a. Limiting the size of your ego. Maturity is about reducing the influence of the ego self or lower self.
b. Learning to control one’s thoughts and keeping them positive. This means staying away from cynicism and negative thinking, and cultivating positive thoughts at all times. It means continually cultivating and ‘weeding’ the garden of the thoughts in your head so that only the beautiful plants grow, not the ugly weeds of hatred, anger, destruction, negativism and cynicism.
LEVEL 4. SOCIAL MATURITY. This aspect has at least two components:
a. Controlling your social life. This means carefully choosing your friends and associates.
b. Learning to empathize or feel for others. In other words, don’t just live in your own little world. Be open to learning about the world or space that others live in enough so that you understand them and can love them better. This does not mean hanging out in dangerous places or putting yourself in danger of any kind. Safety is another aspect of maturity.
c. Learning to be a friend. This is related to the other two aspects, but is somewhat different. A friend is someone who cares about another and looks out for another person.
LEVEL 5. WORK AND TEAMWORK MATURITY. This is a very important aspect of maturity. Aspects are:
a. Learning not to be lazy, yet not to work oneself to death. This is indeed difficult for many souls and human beings. Here is where capitalism is a very good system, in most cases. It encourages people to work and it allows them to keep the rewards or fruit of their labor. Socialism takes away this incentive, at least to a degree, and cultivates laziness.
b. Learning to truly be of service, rather then to just keep busy doing what you wish. Some people are not lazy, but they don’t care to be of service. This is not mature. This has to do with right livelihood.
c. Learning to work with others in work settings and on other types of projects. This requires knowing how to get along with others and how to encourage and empower others.
LEVEL 6. INTELLECTUAL MATURITY. This aspect involves:
a. Learning to use logic in all your thinking. This may sound obvious, but many people do not follow through logically. They stop their thinking process at a certain point and instead bow to prejudices or fixed ideas that are quite illogical.
The recent focus on identity politics is an example of illogical thinking that is now taught in many schools and on many college campuses. It separates people and rates people according to the color of their skin, their ethnic background or how much money they have. This really does not make sense and does not produce maturity.
b. Learning to discern truthful information so you can evaluate ideas and ideologies presented to you. For example, the medical profession and even the herbal medicine and some natural doctors largely ignore one’s diet and instead use poisons to “heal” the body. Does this really make sense? The answer is no.
However, few people really understand this. Some understand it, but they go along with the doctors recommendations because it is easier, or because others are doing it, or because their insurance will pay for it. This is intellectual laziness.
LEVEL 7. SPIRITUAL MATURITY
This is not the same as development, which is more related to genetics. Spiritual maturity depends upon:
a. Controlling whom and how one tunes in for guidance. One has a choice of which ‘voice’ or voices to listen to. Maturity has to do with choosing for the mature guidance, and staying with this and this alone.
For example, many people tune in to hate-filled guidance without really knowing it. The guidance is mixed with spiritual ideas such as Christianity, Judaism or other good-sounding philosophies or practices, so the person also listens to the hate-filled or prejudiced ideas. When extreme, this is called satanic, meaning that it is completely mixed up and appears holy when it is evil.
b. Maturity requires avoiding laziness in the spiritual area. Many people just don’t bother to ask for guidance. This is why the phrases in the Bible are so important – “Ask and you shall receive”, “Knock and the door shall be opened”, and “Seek and you shall find.”