RELATIONSHIP TALK FOR MEN
by Dr. Lawrence Wilson
© November 2019, LD Wilson Consultants, Inc.
All information in this article is for educational purposes only. It is not for the diagnosis, treatment, prescription or cure of any disease or health condition.
This article is one of the most important on this website. It is written specifically for men, to understand their wives better.
PROBLEMS OF MEN
These are problems that arise when we wish to match men up with women in marriages. Men, please work on them.
1. MANY ARE SEDUCERS, AND A FEW ARE RAPISTS. This is the most serious problem with most men. They do not understand that seduction of a woman, even if you intend to marry her, is rape. Women are easy targets. Most men use them for sex, fun, excitement, distraction, entertainment, slaves, sport, and more.
This is all reprehensible. Until it changes, men will suffer the consequences of their actions – women who are angry, unhappy, and often raped because there was no good man there to save her.
2. EXPLOITERS OF WOMEN. Even if a man is not a rapist or seducer, most are exploiters. This means that if a woman offers herself for sex for any reason, he will take advantage of the situation for selfish reasons and not think of her best interest.
This problem is not as bad as the first situation, but it is still unacceptable. Women have some problems that can cause a woman to offer herself for sex. Men are supposed to protect them from it, not use them.
3. WANDERERS. This is not so much about sex, although it could be. However, wanderers, as the word is used here, refers to men who do not focus on their marriage and family relationships enough. Instead, they wander off and focus on friends, hiking, cycling, hunting, fishing, boating, football games, or something else.
This is also reprehensible. One result is these men become out of touch with the real needs and situation at home.
The wife and family come first, and always first. If a man does not want to spend a lot of time with his wife and children, then the marriage is in trouble and he needs to take the lead about getting counseling.
Unfortunately, many times it is the wife who has to insist on counseling and he does not want to change things. Men who are rigid in this way are a horror to women. Women need a man who is logical and stable, but not one that is rigid and controlling.
4. ALCOHOL AND/OR RECREATIONAL DRUGS. These scare women, and they should. Women are physically weaker and a man who is even slightly drunk or stoned is always extremely dangerous to have around. This is one of the biggest causes for rapes and other domestic violence.
Men, if you want to be married some day, give up alcohol and drugs now while you are single (and encourage your dates to do the same).
5. WANDERING EYES. This is a man who looks at every pretty girl on the street, even when he is with his wife. While not a horrendous habit, women definitely don’t like it.
We know that men are biologically programmed to look at women, and that many women today intentionally dress slutty and sexy to turn the men’s heads. However, if you want a healthy marriage or even just healthy female and male friends, give up this bad habit.
6. SEXUALLY LOOSE. Men have many more affairs than women. It is not just that women fear pregnancy and diseases more. It is that women are more loyal, and they are smarter in this area.
By this we mean that affairs are stupid in that they spread awful diseases for which there are no medical cures. They also ruin marriages, in many cases. They are not worth the few minutes of fun.
If your marriage is weak or in trouble and someone is tempting you, go for counseling, preferably with your wife, and try to heal the marriage before jumping into bed with someone who often does not care about you except for your body.
7. STUBBORN EGOS. This can be a problem for both men and women, as can all the problems discussed in this article. Since this article is for men, we will just look at men’s problems in this area.
Stubbornness is not strength or conviction. Try to be very clear about this in your mind. The two are easy to confuse. Your wife may have married you because you seemed strong, when really you were just stubborn. That is her problem, but she may love you, too, and doesn’t just want to throw away the relationship, especially if children are involved.
Stubbornness is a sure way to ruin a marriage. In fact, it ruins any and all relationships. Try to step back from your cherished belief systems and realize that you are not God and you don’t have all the answers.
Admittedly, it is more difficult to live with someone who is not in agreement with you and some men just cannot tolerate this. However, in many instances, your wife or friends are trying to teach you something, so give up the stubborn ego.
8. NOT WILLING TO DO DOWN SEX. This is more esoteric, but there is a sexual technique that heals the body and the brain, and develops the couple in amazing ways. It is called down sex.
Women have an easy time with it and enjoy it. It is more difficult for men, especially at first. As a result, some men give up and won’t practice it.
This is very unfortunate for them, and for their wives and partners. It means that both suffer needlessly with illness, mental problems and short lives when there exists a pleasant method that can help with all physical health conditions. For details about this amazing and simple technique, read Down Sex.
WOMEN’S SEXUAL DISEASES
Women often have as many or more sexually-transmitted diseases as do men. They are more difficult to see and to heal in women because they are inside a warm, moist environment.
In addition, women are often unaware they have sexually-transmitted diseases, so be careful. Always use several condoms and take other precautions – such as no sex before marriage.
This is a key to all relationships, so don’t ignore it. However, you will find that women often cannot be as forthright and honest as men in their communication. This is because they run scared all of the time.
Women are often afraid they will offend you, cause you to become so angry that you strike them or rape them. They are afraid that you will scream at them - something never ever to do to a woman if you want to keep her around.
So be gentle with communication, but persistent. Try to find out what she really thinks and feels. Don’t settle for evasion or “trying to keep the peace”, which is a tendency of all women.
Work on communication every day. Set aside time that is convenient for both of you – at least 15 minutes or more if there is an important issue to discuss. In this case, set aside an hour when you are both relaxed with no distractions. Turn off the phones. Make sure the children are sleeping or that someone else will watch them.
Something women do not like is the “silent treatment”, where you won’t say anything about a subject. Don’t do this if you value your relationship. (You can also tell her to please not do this, either.)
Women often communicate more through their bodies and body language than through words, so look for this. She may dress differently, wear her hair differently, or act differently in bed. Be aware that this is communication and she is sending you messages, even if she is not fully conscious of them. They may be saying, “You are not paying enough attention to me”, or “I’m bored”, or “I’m sick”, or “What are you feeling about me right now?”
MEN SHOULD ACT AS STABILIZERS OR POLES FOR WOMEN
A pole, such as a flagpole, is straight, strong, somewhat flexible but not wishy-washy, and firmly grounded or rooted. Men need to be somewhat like this.
While the analogy is not totally accurate, it is not far from the actual structure of the male body, in relation to the female body. The male is stronger, less flexible, taller, straighter and harder to move. In contrast, the female structure is shorter, more flexible, and more easily influenced and swayed.
When men act as poles for their women, the women are usually much happier and much healthier. The women are also safer.
Of course, there are some women who do not want a stable, “straight” man in their life. They prefer a wimp whom they can manipulate.
If you are this kind of woman, please think about it carefully, as the type of man you desire is not going to protect you and, in most cases, you will be bored with him sooner or later and regret your decision to marry him or even be involved with him at all. For more details, read Poles And Climbers.
Men should also act as shields for women. This has to do with the next section.
THE SEXUAL ORDER
This is a controversial idea. It is that while some women are smarter than their male partners, as a general rule women do not make as good decisions as men. The reason is that women are much more fearful. In general, women also tend to be a little more gullible than men. Many women have also been molested or raped, and this influences their judgment.
As a result, it is often best for the man in a marriage to make the final decision if there is disagreement between them. There are exceptions, but we are speaking in general.
Some men hesitate to do this, fearing it may end the marriage, or to avoid conflict. However, the opposite is often true. By the man insisting on making the final decision, it can save a marriage. For more details, read The Sexual Order.
WOMEN’S FEAR LEVEL
Men all need to know that women, in general, are much more filled with fear than are men. The reasons are that women are physically weaker and smaller, they cannot run as fast as men, they are less coordinated than men, and they are targets of predation, rape, seduction and abduction.
This influences women in hundreds of ways, including buying decisions, politics, social norms, child-rearing, and much more.
MOST WOMEN HAVE BEEN MOLESTED, AND MANY HAVE EXPERIENCED RAPE
This is a fact of life. It does not matter how old or young she is, or other life circumstances. Please beware of this.
It helps explain the way many women dress, behave and think. Some men believe they can find a woman who has not experienced molestation, but it is extremely rare or impossible. You are part of her healing, so please accept this role and play it well.
HOW MUCH SEX IS BEST?
The answer is that down sex, as mentioned above, is excellent and can be done every day if you wish. Regular or ordinary sex with fluid loss is best avoided completely. It just tires out the bodies, no matter how good it feels.
Women always prefer down sex to ordinary sex. Women are delicate and down sex is much gentler, safer in regard to pregnancy and disease transmission, extremely healing and just as much fun.
However, down sex is also much better for men. Men will have to practice down sex to do it successfully. Do not become discouraged! It works. Read the article Down Sex.
If you must do ordinary sex: Men should not lose their sexual fluid more than once a week, and much less if you over about 35 years old. This is quite important today. Most men are not that well nourished, and even if you are, it is still true. Just because it seems as though another man can do it more often, it does not matter.
Also, women are much more delicate in the genital area than men, so never go hard and fast. Read below about going too long, which is a rape.
SEX FOR MEN IS NOT THE SAME AS SEX IS FOR MOST WOMEN
Sex for most men is mainly a physical and perhaps an emotional release. For women, it is different and includes the following:
1. Often more intense pleasure than that which men feel.
2. Psychological safety and security. It helps a woman confirm or know that she is loved, and that she is accepted for who she is.
3. Touch. This is very important for some women. It is important for some men, as well, but often not as much as it is for many women.
WOMEN BOND TO MEN DURING THEIR ORGASMS
An important physiological difference between men and women is that women bond to men when they have an orgasm. Men do not bond to women as much during sexual contact.
WOMEN REQUIRE THAT SEX BE GENTLE
A critical fact about women is that their genital organs are much more sensitive and delicate than those of a man. This is critical to know and recall at all times.
One may think that women must be very tough because they carry and give birth to children. However, their sexual organs are much more delicate than those of any man.
For this reason, sex with any woman must always be gentle. This is a definite rule that must not be broken if a man values his relationship at all. If a man is ever rough with his wife, girlfriend or committed partner, even once, it will often ruin the relationship forever.
This includes asking for sex too frequently. Most women are very happy with sex once a week or so. Few want more than this, except those with sexual fluid craving disease, as discussed below.
An exception is if the couple does down sex. This she may want and need several times a week.
DURNG REGULAR SEX, STOP IMMEDIATELY WHEN A WOMAN SAYS STOP
You must stop immediately when your partner says to stop. Not doing this is worse than messing up the bathroom, leaving clothes on the floor, not making enough money, or other common complaints women have about their men.
Women have also been known to become violent if their man does not stop immediately when they request it. So keep this in mind, too.
If a man keeps going after his partner say to stop, even for a few seconds, it becomes rape. It can do a lot of damage and you may well lose your partner.
Going too long is a primary reason for relationship breakups and divorces. Do not listen to locker room talk, television psychologists, or anyone else that tells men that when a woman says she has had enough, that it is okay to go on with sex for even one minute. Going too long is rape and domestic violence, and nothing less.
WOMEN AND DEVELOPMENT
Women want to develop as much as men. However, they develop slower than men for a number of reasons. Please help your woman develop by doing down sex, even if it is not your favorite activity.
Also, help her to eat very well, sleep a lot, go to bed early and follow her development program, which powerfully supports development. For more details, read Women and Development and Introduction To Development.
SEXUAL FLUID CRAVING AMONG WOMEN IS A GROWING PROBLEM
Sexual fluid craving is a rather strange problem that is common today. It is actually a subtle nutritional imbalance in which a woman feels the need to have more and more male sexual fluid because it gives her a lift, a ‘zing’, or a boost that lasts from a few hours to a few days or even a week or longer.
Without the sexual fluid, the woman feels rather depressed and tired. The problem is growing, and is worst among younger women, vegetarians, semi-vegetarians, vegans and among women who have been raped or even molested as children or as adults.
These women all tend to have one thing in common. They are in very poor nutritional condition.
Women’s sexual fluid craving is actually very dangerous for men, so please read this carefully and help your partner if she has this condition. You will know she has it because she will practically demand sex, often more than once a week. She also will not want to use condoms.
It is dangerous for men for a number of reasons:
1. Sexual fluid depletion. Too much sex depletes the male sexual fluids. This is definitely harmful and causes cancer, other illnesses and an early death.
2. Loss of the relationship. If your female partner is not satisfied with your sexual fluid, she may go outside of her relationship with you for sex.
3. Diseases. If your partner goes outside the relationship for sex, she will often not want to use condoms, as this blocks the absorption of the sexual fluid in her vagina. This combination means she will contract sexually-transmitted diseases in many instances, which she will pass on to you if you are not alert and careful in handling this problem.
Fluid craving can easily become an addiction, which means that the woman may lie about it, craving it more and more, and acting quite selfish and irrational in regard to it. It can be a home wrecker, marriage wrecker and generally a horror.
For detals and what to do, read Sexual Fluid Craving.
DON’T TALK ABOUT YOUR WIFE OR PARTNER WITH OTHERS, EVER, AT ALL
This is another important point if a man wants to hold on to a good woman. Never, ever reveal details about your sex life or your partner to anyone – not to your closest friend, relatives, parents, children or anyone else. Never, ever discuss it in public, by the way. That is even worse.
The reason for this is that women see sex in a more sacred, special and private way than men do, in most cases. They often discuss it with their girlfriends, but they will get angry in most cases if they find out that their man has been sharing details about it with others of either sex.
WOMEN HATE UNCLEAN BATHROOMS
Men need to know that their penis is designed like a frost-free hose bib. In this type of hose bib, the valve that controls the flow of water is deep inside the pipe.
As a result, when you shut off the flow, it keeps dripping for a minute because some fluid is left in the pipe. Men are built in a similar way. This is why men make a mess when they urinate.
Women hate it, in part because too often they have to clean it up. Women also do not understand why men are so messy because women don’t have the problem.
1. Understand the problem.
2. Explain it to their wives.
3. Ideally, always sit down on the toilet seat, as this is neater.
4. Wipe the head of the penis each time you urinate and hold a piece of toilet tissue there for at least 30 seconds to let the entire pipe empty out.
IF YOUR PARTNER ACTS STRANGE OR ANGRY, HOW TO FIGURE OUT WHY
Here are some of the reasons to always keep in mind:
1. She is pregnant. This is not that common, but it occurs, in some cases. This causes significant hormonal changes, mental alterations in some cases, odd cravings for foods, heat or cold in the body, nausea in some cases, and perhaps other symptoms such as odd aches or pains.
The woman may think it has to do with you. It does not, except, of course, that you were, in part, responsible for her pregnancy.
2. Projection. Women and men project their fears, desires, anger and other feelings onto others. It is a common fact of relationships of all kinds.
All you need to do is think about what is going on and ask yourself honestly if you are to blame, or is this something else. That may tell you if projection is occurring.
Women often project their feelings about their fathers onto their husbands and boyfriends, so you may get a clue from this fact. They may also project their feelings about their mothers, but this is less common.
Feelings directed at employers, bosses, supervisors and others in authority may also be easily projected onto male companions as well. Once again, just ask if you are to blame, or is something else occurring.
3. Premenstrual tension, or hormonal changes for other reasons. These are extremely common, especially during the last few days before the menstrual period. Some men keep calendars marked so they are aware of when this is occurring. This only works if the woman’s periods are regular, of course.
Premenstrual syndrome causes irritability, anger, depression, weepiness, sadness, hypersensitivity and can even cause violence in a woman. It is worth understanding and observing if you notice a monthly tendency for your partner to be upset, in pain, or otherwise out of sorts. It is also helpful to ask her about the time of the month.
4. Retracing. If your partner is following a development program, which we hope she is, she will go through retracing reactions, or purification reactions from time to time.
These are unpredictable in their timing, their nature and their severity. Most are mild, cause few symptoms, and pass quickly. Now and then, however, one can be intense, can cause mental and emotional symptoms that are awful, and a reaction can last for weeks, occasionally.
This factor may be especially important if you know your wife or female companion has been through any sort of important trauma such as molestation, rape, abuse, beating, a difficult prior marriage, or anything else.
During a retracing or healing reaction, most people lose awareness of the present to some degree. They are literally 2 or 5 or 15 years old again, and going through the same trauma as they did back then, only they are learning how to process it and handle it correctly.
They may become angry, depressed, anxious, fearful, or moody. They may have hateful thoughts, for example, or other deranged thinking. This can be a challenge for her and for you.
If she keeps in touch with her nutrition consultant as to whether changes in her program are needed, our experience is that the symptoms will pass and all will be well.
However, retracing reactions can and do strain some relationships. If you are forewarned, you can more easily relax, not take things personally and give her more ’space’ for the time that it can take to get through the reaction.
The main actions are
1. Do not react negatively, if at all possible. That just makes things worse. Reacting can keep her or even trap her in her process, slowing or even stopping the deep trauma healing.
2. Be a stabilizing influence. Give her a hug and remind her that she is healing. Also, rub her feet – several times daily, if you can. It is an amazing, simple and safe way to move the process along much faster. I wish every couple understood this.
5. A need for food, water, rest or relaxation. All of us can snap at others, lose patience, feel dejected or rejected or become angry too easily when we are out of sorts due to fatigue, mainly, but also sometimes due to hypoglycemia or even just a little dehydration. So check on this with your spouse or partner if something occurs and you wonder “Where did that come from?”
6. A need for intimacy or a need to talk more, perhaps. Many women enjoy being close to their man, perhaps sexually, but usually not. They enjoy just sitting together and talking and perhaps cuddling.
If this is missing, or just if it is needed and not forthcoming, some women, instead of just asking for what they want, will become angry, belligerent, depressed or just ornery and hard to get along with.
Be aware of this need for closeness that some, though not all women, have. It is easy to provide, sometimes almost too easy, by just sitting close on the couch together, or perhaps giving a warm hug or two.
HOW YOUR HEALING REACTIONS CAN AFFECT YOUR PARTNER
Another factor that may be very important in your relationship is when you go through mental/emotional or even physical changes due to a nutritional balancing program, or perhaps for other reasons. These can be quite disruptive for a marriage or committed relationship, and you may not realize it.
Therefore, if you suspect that you are not acting your usual calm, balanced and helpful self, be sure to inform your partner of this! Seek to move through the situation as best you can, asking her for patience and gentle feedback as to what is going on.
NOTE: This is often the best that you can do. As with her healing reactions, when you go through yours, you will be partly in the present and partly back somewhere in childhood – perhaps a 3-year-old or a 10-year-old. It is truly unusual and confusing for all of us.
Both of you should read and re-read the article on this site entitled Retracing And Healing Reactions, and this may help, as well. We have had marriages break up when the man went through fairly severe healing reactions, so this is not something to take lightly.